Would you like that in a White or Red Sauce?

Do you ever feel like you know or feel about something with absolute certainty? Are you ever completely and utterly sure of a decision? Are you ever sure enough to take a decision? Do you experience that elusive absolute- unquestionable- nothing’s-gonna-change-my-mind kind of surety? The only thing I know with that kind of certitude is that I hardly ever do.

Perhaps doubting a choice as not being perfect isn’t such a bad thing. Perhaps that is what makes life interesting. (Or perhaps this’s just me justifying a lack of conviction.) That you never really know till you know. I remember reading somewhere that happiness is as much a quotient of routine as it is of change and unpredictability. As much as we like knowing that some things will happen without a doubt, I think we also relish the idea of having to bravely (or so we tell ourselves after we’ve found the light switch) walk into the dark.

But I think we’ve also found a convenient way of dealing with it and since I can’t outdo the guy, I shall quote Tony Robbins: “You like the surprises you want. The ones you don’t you call problems.”. The man has a point doesn’t he? As much comfort as we find in familiarity, we dread always knowing where we’re headed. And while most of us like to be prepared for any eventuality, I think it’s inherent in us to crave, every so often, an element of unpredictability, of risk. Given how seldom we can know how things will turn out, maybe this instinct is simply nature’s way of equipping us to deal with the unknown.

But why is it that we rarely feel we’ve made an optimal choice? As though what we’ve picked isn’t perfect, isn’t what will make us most happy? This’s where the human mind, with its tremendous capacity for imagination, demonstrates once again why it’s boss. And that in recent times we’re often drowning in a sea of options, only adds fuel to the fire that the brain insists on setting ablaze each time we’re faced with a choice. The more alternatives we have to pick from, the easier it is for the mind to imagine one that could’ve been better than what’s been selected. No matter which you close the deal on, the brain will visualize one that is better; with all that’s great in your selection, intact and all that isn’t, fixed. (And you can’t blame the mind, it’s only natural to aim for the superlatives, after all even evolution advocates survival of the fittest.)

As Barry Schwartz points out, with all this choice, “…we end up doing better but feeling worse.” He attributes it to Elevated Expectations. With an excess of available options, it becomes very easy for the mind to construct that ideal blend, which like any form of perfection isn’t quite attainable. As a result, we’re never really content (more so since we make that choice), fantasizing of something that can’t be.

So what can one do to make it out alive? There’s no escaping decisions or options, if anything the future will only bring more (one might notice similarity to a certain biological trait in Rabbits) and contentment we need to get a grip on, now more than ever. My method (I wish I could label it with a As Never Before Seen) would be to: Prioritize, Let Go, Stop What If-ing. List the must-haves – be judicious; let go of the rest – you can never have it all, more importantly you never need it all; don’t second guess – you’d feel as much doubt about the pair of jeans you didn’t pick, had you picked them.